ALL is well that ends well. The year 2024 was no different. For Pakistan, it was a year of marked stability: inflation was dragged down, rather heroically, to the single digits. While prices continued to incre­ase, making basic necessities even more unaffordable for the poor, who cared as long as we could say, “The fire of has been tamed!”. It is not like the ordinary person is able to make sense of the full implications of that claim. Credit the many successes of our education system. We also increased tax collection, mainly by increasing the number of middle-class tax filers and squeezing every bit of their incomes by increasing the on their teeny-tiny salaries. It’s not like people need to send their kids to private schools when we have built so many public schools for them. Yes, it was a difficult step to take politically, but what other option did we really have to offset the increase in government expenditures? It is not like urban property tax or corporate taxes were an option — I mean, did we really want to upset the elite for something as trivial as a balanced budget? Investment remained low, but don’t blame the government. We begged all our rich foreign friends to invest in Pakistan, even dressed up nicely in our best-branded suits, donning our best accessories to make a good impression. But it is, indeed, all Imran Khan’s fault: there has been so much instability in our country since the day he was born that nobody wants to invest. Also, why can’t people forget about him already? We have given them a new national hero, the great , whom “we” discovered at our youth festival and trained year after year with all the necessary world-class equipment. Talk about having a vision! Speaking of the youth, every other day we organise a new kind of festival for them to keep them entertained. But God knows what is wrong with them. They want jobs! Practical skills! Education! And, God forbid, access to “X”. Where are we supposed to find the money for all that with so many roads and bridges to build? The rich cannot afford to waste their time stuck in traffic jams or at signals; time is money, after all. We understand this, which is why we have built so many roads and underpasses that our people will forget Singapore (never mind the air pollution, it is all coming from India). The world marched towards progress while our internet cables took periodic vacations. On the environmental front, we truly outdid ourselves. Yes, the smog still in the air, and the rivers are either increasingly more “colourful” or woefully dry, but let’s not forget the innovative measures we launched to combat these minor inconveniences. Most prominent among these was our decision to close schools during days when pollution was high (how could we risk the lives of our children). Of course, industrial emissions, crop burning, and unregulated construction sites continue to contribute heavily to the pollution, but who’s counting? Admittedly, 2024 saw some challenges as well. In the digital arena, the world marched towards progress while our internet cables took periodic vacations, courtesy of hungry sharks. On vacation days, ‘overuse’ by our ever-growing population ensured a sluggish internet speed. Still, we remained steadfast and continued to make leaps by announcing the formation of the National Digital Commission. Now, the nation must brace itself for a transformative journey where every single already-regulated person will become even more regulated and vulnerable to data leaks. Moreover, we will be able to keep tabs on any additional income sources they have because, of course, tax collection needs to be improved, or the IMF will be angry. But don’t for a moment think we didn’t care for the poor. After all, we put an awami sale on electricity; a sale so big that it will put Imran Khan’s petrol subsidy to shame (have you not seen the ads?). Now, every poor person can cook mutton on an electric stove, enjoy it while basking in the warmth of an electric heater, and have warm water running through the pipes of their homes, courtesy of an electric geyser. If this doesn’t make them happy, God knows what will! It took a lot of effort on our part to make 2024 a success. Every other day, we had to come up with straight-faced justifications for completely ludicrous decisions, and then continue to defend them in the face of public and media backlash. Still, we continued to put our intellects — and, in some cases, our prestigious degrees — to shame for the greater good of the country. History will remember these sacrifices. As we enter 2025, let’s all lift our eyes to the moonlit, smoggy skies and pray for yet another spectacular year ahead. After all, Pakistan Zindabad!